Okay, and, uh, tell us your story.
The first time I got my period,
I was watching A Clockwork Orange
with my brother and his friends.
Ugh, opening night of my first show in high school.
14 years old.
- I think I was 13. - Fourteen.
January 13, 1976... First day I bled.
Shame. My mom never spoke to me about it.
"Menu-strating." And I'm like, "Mena-what?"
It makes you feel alive, and it makes you feel young.
"We're going to red China. Do you need a bomber?"
"No, I need a flat ship."
I'm gonna be, like, 75 with my best friends
that I've known for, like, 45 years going,
"Oh, does anyone have a tampon?"
And they're just gonna roll their eyes.
But I really wasn't too... too sure
what was happening, but yeah, specifically,
Clockwork Orange is vivid in my memory.
It sucks to have a period,
it sucks to have a baby, it sucks to have menopause.
If I could go back and do it again,
I think I would've been a boy.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
Whoa!
Let's get up.
- Get up. Get up. - Okay.
Keep going, keep going. Hold hands.
Yes! We made it out! We made it out!
Beat the crowd. Beat the crowd. Beat the crowd.
No, no, no. Oh, God.
Mom, can I get another hot dog?
Guess not. Everything's closed.
Shitfire.
Nice mouth.
Okay. This fun?
- Mom, I'm not getting... - What? Oh.
- Mom, look at me. - Okay.
I'm not getting onto an elevator like sardines.
I can't. No. No, no, no. Too claustro.
- I'm not... I'm not kidding. - Damn it! Come on.
Wait. Be careful.
Oof.
Hug the wall.
Duke! Stay together.
Ow.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Oh, Jesus.
You good? Jesus, did you have, like, ten beers?
God.
Good job.
All right.
Pull your pants up. Let's go.
Come on. Come-come on.
_
You know what, come here.
Hi. Hi. Hi. Excuse me.
What's the holdup?
We can't seem to get out of here.
Well, the president's downtown, so, traffic's backed for miles.
This could be hours before it clears.
Oh. Awesome.
- I know who you are. - Mm.
You're the lady from Communion Corporation.
Oh, actually, no, that's not me. That's Constance Zimmer.
- Yeah? - Another actor. Yeah.
I'm sorry. I mean, she's great.
- Yeah, she's great. - She was in Sole de la Luna.
And she was the voice of the dog in Penis Envy.
- Thanks, Murray. - I knew I knew you from something.
- God, you were so good in that. - Hmm.
- ¿Hablas español, sí? - Sí, un poquito.
Que bueno.
Can we take a picture, you know, for my wife?
- Oh. - Oh. Oh, of course. I'll take it.
Okay...
Okay. Thank you.
Damn. Your mom is so funny.
- You're lucky. - Mm.
You must laugh all the time.
Well, he does 'cause I'm not his mom.
She hates me.
Cool. You know, I'm done for the night.
I can get you guys out of here
and take you to the train station.
Oh, um...
that's, um...
Yeah. I understand.
At least let me walk you out of here.
I can get you to a better place to catch a cab.
Okay.
That'd be good. Thank you.
- What are doing? We don't know... - It's fine. Come on.
We got to get out of here.
Mom, how much further?
My feet hurt. I'm hungry.
It's just up there.
I don't mind the walk.
I'm kind of used to it now.
It's 'cause they don't give the staff parking spots,
so we got to find parking where we can.
Then the club just pays for our tickets.
Listen to the roosters.
Yeah.
That's the one they put here this morning, and,
uh, this is a new one.
So, you guys want a ride out of here or...
Yeah, um... just go.
Murray, go.
Duke, take him over to the side of the...
Yeah, do you...?
Do you mind if we call your wife really quickly?
No offense. I just, you know...
Por supuesto.
Okay, thank you.
Hola, mi amor.
¿Mi amor? Estupido.
Come on, coño. Mi amor, bullshit.
- Hey. - Hey, you're working late tonight.
- Oh, hey. - Hi.
Oh. Oh, didn't know you had company.
Anything else going on this weekend?
Trabajo, trabajo, trabajo.
Eso. Good guy. Good guy.
Well, get these kids home safe.
Bye, kiddos. All right.
- Have a good night. - Adios.
Bye-bye. One out!
Whoa. Isn't this crazy, guys?
We got, like, a police escort.
We got the moves like Jagger.
♪ Your hands keep turning lighter shades of white ♪
♪ The color of the temperature ♪
♪ That's dropping every night ♪
♪ And skin keeps turning different shades of red ♪
♪ The colors of the other voice ♪
♪ That's swimming in your head... ♪
Where's your dad at?
Oh. Uh, he's not around.
I don't have a dad.
He's not my brother.
I get it.
Next time...
marry a Mexican.
We tend to stick around.
♪ Make yourself at home again... ♪
Órale.
♪ Your body will be whole again ♪
♪ Make yourself at home again ♪
♪ Count your blessings, one to ten ♪
Well, this was incredibly kind.
And fun.
- Right? - Yeah.
Thank you so much.
- No. No, no, no. - That's for you. Yes.
Yes, yes, yes. I insist.
Pay off one of those parking tickets.
- El gusto es mio. - Thank you.
Thanks, Fortunato.
- Thanks, Fort. - Be cool, kid.
- Bye! - Bye!
We're gonna get food soon.
I know that, dude.
We're gonna get food very soon. Don't worry.
- Here you go, love. - Thank you.
- Hi. - Hi, dear.
I love your coat.
Mm. I love your youth.
So you just cruise around L.A. all day
and make people food in this?
- Yup. - Damn.
This is the perfect job for me.
Yeah, I love it.
I've worked in kitchens all my life,
but there's nothing better than taking great food on the road.
Mmm. This is so good.
It's my mom's recipe.
Your mom's? I love it.
Well, you seem very smart.
And like you know about a lot of things. Do you?
Yeah.
I can see the future.
Really?
Is there gonna be a future?
Mm-hmm.
I never want to get married or have kids.
Do I?
Get married and have kids?
Well, I never did, and I had a really good life.
I've known many good men.
They gave me music, love, oh, danger...
ideas, adventures.
It shaped me.
But at the end of a day,
I prefer being alone.
Being alone and being able to feel good with yourself...
That's the ticket.
You're beautiful.
I-I...
I mean, I-I love your hair and your face
and-and your clothes.
And...
and you smell so good.
Oh, goodness, well, you...
You make me feel very special.
Well, you know what they say.
One compliment from a woman is worth
a thousand compliments from a man.
Yeah.
You know what my mom says about men?
No. What's that?
Someone else's problem.
Duker!
Is that your mom?
- Car's here. - Coming, Mom.
You're not so bad yourself.
Well, it was really nice to meet...
Duke!
- Thank you so much. - You're so welcome.
Here, baby.
Okay.
Thank you, Adall.
- Bye, Sam. - See ya later.
Come on, guys.
- How do you... - Don't look, don't look.
Wait, how do you know it's human?
Well, where are people supposed to poop in L.A.?
It could be... Wait, how do you know
- it's human? - I mean, if you're homeless and...
Hi. For?
Sam Fox?
That's us!
I have two rules for riding in my car.
Oh, totally.
- We're gonna throw the drinks away. - Oh.
Uh-uh.
One: you have to smile.
Two:
you have to sing.
Let's sing!
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
- Yes! - Okay, now we're gonna have fun.
- Everybody in? - Oh, my... This... Mom,
did you do this on purpose?
I didn't have anything to do with it.
This is for you.
- Let's sing. - Thank you.
- One for you. - Fun!
- Wow. - I'm gonna get the moods going.
- Where's mine? Yeah! - Oh, my... No!
- Is this cool, Murray? - Yes.
What's your name?
My name is Eliyas.
- Eliyas! - Yay!
Hooray!
♪ Mother told me ♪
♪ Yes, she told me ♪
♪ I'd meet girls like you ♪
♪ She also told me ♪
♪ "Stay away, you'll never know ♪
♪ What you'll catch" ♪
♪ Mommy's all right ♪
♪ Daddy's all right ♪
♪ They just seem a little weird ♪
♪ Surrender ♪
♪ Surrender, but don't... ♪
♪ Mommy's all right... ♪
Are you having fun?
Yeah! Yeah, Murray!
- Should I start? Okay. - Yeah, um, we're almost set.
Uh, do I-do I just start talking?
What was it like first getting your period
- and then last getting your period? - Mmm.
Your thoughts about be-being attractive,
how you feel the world sees you.
Oh, my...
I'm at the end of my womanhood,
and I'm having
the greatest sexual love affair of my life.
That's probably the only good thing about menopause
is the sex afterwards is amazing.
I'm a horny gal.
I'm a horny 62-year-old.
It was like a missile went up my vagina.
It was so painful.
I think it's the greatest thing in the world
to not have a period.
I'll get it every other three weeks,
then I won't get it for three months.
I never had vagina upkeep before.
This is new.
I'm 65. Uh, I'm in a relationship
for the first time, really, in my life.
Uh, he loves me a lot.
Tells me I'm beautiful all the time,
and I'm not really comfortable with that.
It's not good.
It's not good. None of it's good.
I sweat. I'm grumpy.
It's an inferno coming from deep inside of you.
Putting it on, taking it off, putting it on.
I am comfortable with myself from the ankles down.
I have really good ankles.
I always have this image of what's normal for me,
and when I look into the mirror now...
it's not who I am.
Honestly, I have always...
In every fairy tale, in every childhood movie...
I've always been drawn to the crone or the witch,
and I've always found them the most interesting.
They have interesting faces.
And I remember, distinctly, being at a bar,
and no one looked at me. No one noticed me.
It was literally like I was Casper the ghost,
looking through me.
I peaked a little too early, I think.
He was advocating that because I was older,
I was hard up for action and would welcome
being sexually assaulted on the street.
And that was the first time that I realized
I was no longer the cute girl at work.
And then I'm like, "Oh, so I should feel bad
about not being abused on the subway?"
That's super twisted.
On the other hand...
it feels weird.
And I feel like I'm becoming more beautiful
because I'm becoming more myself.
That's how I feel.
I got my period when I was 12 years old.
I actually felt like it was a cool thing,
like my body had this ability
to do something incredible.
Like I was a part of something bigger than just myself.
I was now considered a woman.
But what I didn't realize then
was that to be a woman in the world
is to be built up and then let down.
They'd cut us or sell us or marry us off.
You're primed, and you're prepped and abused
and adored and harassed and worshipped,
and then...
it all stops.
All of it.
We even age out of the bad things,
like being fetishized or diminished
or talked down to.
It's even worse.
You're invisible,
and you're literally left hunched over and alone
with Santa's belly and a beard to boot
walking around, shrinking, thinking,
"What just happened?"
You retreat.
You're shamed. You're unseen.
No one has prepared you for it,
and no one ever tells women this is gonna happen.
Our prize in the goody bag
after everyone has had their fill of us
is shingles, thin bones, whiskers and bunions.
You're not viable.
But if you have daughters,
you feel it even more because the world wants them now.
Then...
menopause.
It's the grossest thing in the world.
Nobody wants to hear about it,
which is why nobody ever prepared you for it.
You're a lady.
You're supposed to be pretty and attractive.
Even the Dalai Lama was like,
"Eh, it's not great if a woman is... ugh."
I mean, even for the Dalai Lama, you got to be cute.
"Yes.
"Inner beauty is most important.
But still, attractive."
I mean, even the fucking Dalai Lama let us down.
Why don't we all say this to each other?
Women have to say this to each other.
Women are afraid to talk to each other.
Women should be brothers to each other.
We have to be brothers to each other.
I've got chills.
My mind is blown open.
Sam Fox reporting from the front lines
of being a woman.
Period. Menopause.
Sam Fox!
- Brilliant. Oh, my God. - That's it for our show.
- I'm gonna go home... - I'm so fucking proud of you.
- Really? - Yeah.
Mom, that was really, really good.
So funny with the, like... um, what's it called?
Like, witness protection face voice.
Yes.
Damn, Mom.
You have balls.
Well...
Eggs. Eggs. She got eggs.
- Does she, though? - No,
she don't got no eggs no more.
Word.
Like, I don't know, it was just,
like, powerful how you said it and...
- Thank you. - Yeah.
I didn't know that's, like, how you felt.
- Well, you know. - I like the Dalai Lama bit.
- That was hilarious. - Yeah, that was so good.
- Right? - The Dalai Lama.
Yeah.
He should get, uh, reincarnated as an elderly lady.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
- Like, in a tenement flat. - Yeah.
With long, hangy tits.
- Uh-huh. Perfect. - Oh, my God.
When he just looks in the mirror and, "Aah!"
It's like Freaky Friday.
- Yeah. - Like, "No!"
We'll see... Oh, yeah.
Um...
I'm very sorry.
I feel terrible.
Why do you feel terrible?
I feel like we're burying the hatchet.
I don't know how to tell you this,
but the girls aren't here.
All of them?
No!
This isn't a trick, I swear to God.
They all said they were gonna be here.
I don't know what happened.
No!
Run!
Do you...
want to come in?
Let me put it this way.
I would like it if you still stayed.
I cooked.
Mm...
Hey, man.
Hi.
Sucks that the girls aren't here.
Come in.
Let's smoke the peace pipe.
- Yeah, why not? - Okay.
Okay.
Hello!
- Oh. - Hoo roo.
- Oh, hi, Mom. - Well, hello.
Hello, Phil.
- Hello, darling. - How you feeling?
Knock wood.
- Let me pour you a drink. - Mm.
Hello, I'm Phyllis.
Phyllis, it's Xander.
Oh.
I hadn't realized.
I just saw you at Frankie's event.
What are you here for?
Um, I invited him for dinner.
Oh, really?
Where are the girls? Have they eaten already?
They're... not here.
I actually don't know where they are.
Ooh, isn't this a dry rub?
So you came for dinner
and the girls were to be here.
Touch of one's own medicine.
Quite, isn't it? Well...
That's being a sport and not having sour grapes.
This calls for some schnapps.
I'll pop over to my house
and get a bottle of slivovitz.
Way to buck up, old man.
Got to deal with the consequences, haven't we just?
Won't be long.
And...
- let's have some more wine. - Yes, please, okay.
- Any top offs? - Yes.
Phyllis is looking great.
Is that what you got out of that?
- Salud. - Salud.
Yes, way to buck up, old man.
Bit of a dry rub.
I mean, come on...
Xander, seriously, I mean,
what is it that you do, exactly?
What is it I do?
- And what is it you do? - Weren't you supposed to be
importing liquid sugar from Japan?
Wasn't that one of your things?
Or was it wood pulp and raw copper from Chile?
How'd that work out for you?
What about you?
Weren't you writing a book or something?
Shouldn't you have, like,
four published novels by now?
What are you, J.D. Salinger?
Are you sitting on seven unseen works?
Yeah, uh... I'm gonna, uh, self-publish on Amazon.
I'm getting to it, but...
you know I have an actual day job, right?
Yeah. But is it your passion?
Is it my what? Is it my passion?
Yeah, yeah.
Does it make you smile when you do it?
Does it make you love your life?
Hmm.
Hmm, well...
it's really been, uh...
- something. - Yeah, well,
- Thank you for your hospitality. - Don't...
Don't be a stranger.
Yeah, I'll try not to be.
By that, I mean you're gonna
try to see the girls before you leave again, right?
I mean, this was, obviously, a test.
Hopefully.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Sam, can I speak to you for a moment, please?
Oh. Uh...
- Yeah. - Okay... yeah.
Step into my... office.
Um...
this is awkward.
Yes?
Uh, do you have that... payment for me?
Oh.
Oh, uh, yeah.
I didn't...
I didn't realize we were still...
I have it. I didn't think we were still doing that.
I mean, it's my right and what the law affords me.
- Mm-hmm. - We'll amicably separate, right?
Yes.
- No lawyers. Right? The mediator thing. - Yeah. I mean...
- Mediators are here, the lawyers... - But we-we could do it online.
- Yeah. - Be kind and honest.
That's what we'll be.
Actually... I have it right here.
I won't... miss handing these over to you.
- Last one. - Well...
you didn't have to do it all in one payment.
No, I had to.
I need to. I have to...
be done with this.
I can't do it anymore.
I actually took out a loan.
I would rather owe the bank, frankly.
No offense.
And...
I'm forgiving you.
Not for you.
For me.
For my life.
And for my future mental and physical health.
And for my daughters.
Our daughters.
Yes.
Ooh. So...
welcome to the...
This House Is Clean Slate Club.
Thank you.
Thank you for tonight.
Good night.
Ooh...
Where are you?
- Come to Papa. - Oh.
- Oh, you were right there? - Yeah.
I love that.
- Come here, baby. - Yes! Mm.
Ah, there you are.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hello, darlings. You all right?
Eh.
Yeah.
Good.
Now, it was just so quiet.
Are the girls back yet?
- Mm-mmm. - Nope. But they texted me.
They went to the beach.
Oh...
very good!
Out to the seas.
The answers are in the water.
It's where we come from
and where we always need to go back to.
Anyway, will one of you
please untether me, 'cause I'm going for a swim.
- Mom! God, no! - What?
Ugh!
Oh.
Mmm.
I'll do it myself.
- Hoo roo! - Hoo roo.
Jesus.
What?
Again, what?
You want to go swimming?
I, uh, tried to deposit this
in the ATM, but it wouldn't accept it.
_
Oh, this is funny.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com